1. You Must Be This High To Ride This Ride
2. There’s No “P” In Pool
3. Harvey Birdman, Attorney At Law
4. Aqua Teen Hunger Force
5. Sealab 2021
6. Brak Show
7. English Channel Swim
8. Bobby G. Can’t Swim
1. You Must Be This High To Ride This Ride
Adult Swim is a unique kind of Must-See TV found on the Cartoon Network. Catering a fast food sized gem of cartoon hilarity to a crowd that has become too jaded and aware for network fare. These viewers need something with juice and Adult Swim delivers on all accounts.
2. There’s No “P” In Pool
The shows in the Adult Swim line-up know about our attention deficit and don’t bore us with unnecessary drivel. For instance, Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law lasts on 15 minutes and they pack the laughs in there tighter than ***. To play in this pool, you’ll want to close your laptop and shut off the cell phone because the rapid-fire jokes and humor are slung at you a mile a minute.
3. Harvey Birdman, Attorney At Law
Harvey Birdman the Attorney was once Birdman the superhero, but he is now a dimwitted practicing lawyer. All his cases involve legal disputes between other cartoon characters. He’s handled cases involving a custody battle for young Jonny Quest, a copyright infringement dispute between the Chan Clan and Jabberjaw and defended Scooby and Shaggy on trumped-up pot charges.
With hammer in hand, the mighty Thor plays the judge. One of the episodes does a slippery Sopranos parody with Fred Flintstone aka the Dabba Don. He comes to Harvey to defend his many “businesses”. During the course of the 15-minute episode you get to see Harvey’s assistant defect to the side of the gangsters, Harvey adding commentary to old Flintstone’s footage and a pterodactyl lamp taking the stand.
4. Aqua Teen Hunger Force
Aqua Teen Hunger Force is about a group of human-sized food items living together in South Jersey. A pistachio milkshake, a bag of fries and a meatball have banded together to form a crime-fighting trio. As lazy as they may be, they make an effort to rid the New Jersey suburbs of unwanted mischief and crime.
This wacky trio was originally conceived to appear on the hit Cartoon Network talk show, Space Ghost Coast-to-Coast. Ah, but the network knows a good thing when they see it and gave these misfits a fighting chance with their own show during the ever popular nighttime line-up of more mature cartoon fare known as Adult Swim.
5. Sealab 2021
Aww, the drama of precariously doomed underwater colony and its personnel members that can’t stand one another. The year is 2021 and in the depths of the big blue ocean resides a monumentally high-tech compound known to all as Sealab. With a multi-national scientific staff and a trillion dollar budget the lab is dedicated to the research and exploration of the mysteries of the deep.
Underwater colonization is the order of the day since the surface of the Earth has gotten crowded, hot and icky. As is the case with most government agencies, Sealab is manned by a motley rabble of malcontents and misfits who are unfit for work in the private sector. This hapless crew have manipulated their wayward leader, Captain Murphy into submission and are purely content with riding the government clock, raking in a fat hazardous-duty paycheck. The humor here strikes a deep cord in reality and is some of the funniest stuff to ever grace the Cartoon Network.
Here’s an excerpt between the Captain and Marco:
Marco: Calm down, I'll see what I can do about finding your little toy.
Captain Murphy: It's not a toy, it makes real cupcakes, with a 40-watt bulb, and there's icing packets. But the secret ingredient is love. Damn it.
Marco: Just try to calm down, go have some pudding.
Captain Murphy: Pudding can't fill the emptiness inside me! But it'll help.
6. Brak Show
"The Brak Show is the story of a neighborhood. It's the story of a family. It's the story of what happens when adults have children and those children go to school. And Brak is in it. He lives in a house. A house on a quiet street not unlike yours or mine. A house in a neighborhood. That's The Brak Show."
That’s the network’s official description of their new hit sitcom starring Brak, the absent-minded space pirate from the Space Ghost cartoons. He goes through all the typical sitcom situations with his friend Zorak. Also along for the ride are Brak's parents, his brother Sisto, and his next-door neighbor Thundercleese.
7. English Channel Swim
The hilarious giant block of mature-themed entertainment also includes the shows: Baby Blues, Cowboy Bebop, InuYasha, Lupin the 3rd, Mission Hill, The Oblongs, Reign: The Conqueror, The Ripping Friends and Trigun.
Joining the lineup are ex-Fox Network nighttime toons, The Family Guy and Futurama.
8. Bobby G. Can’t Swim
The cornerstone of the parade of humor is former superhero, Space Ghost and his hit talk show, Space Ghost Coast-to-Coast.
Remember the acclaimed Superhero Space Ghost? Well now in his 40's he is no longer a superhero, and goes by his real name Tad Ghostal. However to remain in the spot light he has started his own late night talk show filmed in his studio in outer space.
With his co-host and former villain Zorak, and his director Moltar they interview movie stars on earth through their videophone. Space Ghost has conducted interviews with many big celebrities including Jim Carrey, Weird Al Yankovic, Johnny Carson and Cameron Diaz.
Truly Trivial: There was once an episode where Space Ghost’s evil twin brother Chad visits the show to cause havoc.
Adult Swim - You Must Be This High To Ride This Ride
Milk Goats - Know Thy Enemy
Patience may be a virtue, but laughter is the only way to survive goat milking. You can strive for the perfect fencing. You must aim for good nutrition. But, don’t kid yourself. When it comes to milking, you do not get the last word.
When I decided to add milk goats to my backyard farm I envisioned pitchers of milk cooling in the fridge while cheddar rounds age in my cellar. Spirit, my first nanny, had other ideas. There is an old saying I just made up: “Don’t expect instant gratification from your very first dairy goat lactation.” Like dating, expecting nothing is the first step toward not being let down. Perseverance is the next step toward surviving goats with your sanity moderately intact.
Spirit proved mutinous in milking. Even with twins at her side, she had ample milk to share. Generosity was simply not her forte. However, like falling off a bike or getting thrown from your horse, when you find a goat leg lodged in your right ear, you must climb right back on.
To help other potential farmers deal with inevitable frustration, I have provided the following journal. It documents my first full month of milking Spirit. From this draw hope. There is light at the end of the nipple.
Day 1: Leashed goat runs around tie post kicking and bucking. Never got near the teat.
Day 2: Build "EZ One Hour Goat Milking Stand" from online instructions. Define five hours in hell.
Day 3: Adjust Goat Milking Stand so goat’s big fat head will fit through the stocks into the feed box.
Day 4: Adjust Goat Milking Stand so goat’s skinny little head will not retreat from feed box out through the stocks.
Day 5: Collect 3.5 tsp. milk from flailing goat on milking stand.
Day 6: Dido.
Day 7: Tether goat’s leg. Goat kicks loose in .3 seconds.
Day 8: Tether goat’s leg better. Goat kicks loose dumping over 3.5 tsp. of milk.
Day 9: Try new tethering technique. Collect entire ounce of milk. Goat’s effort to kick loose succeeds only after she sheds 3.5 tsp. of hair into the shot glass of milk.
Day 10: Go to store. Buy milk.
Day 11 – 14: Discouraged. Just squirt some milk straight onto the milking stand so that the apparently dwindling right teat stays active.
Day 15: Goat now standing still while I collect three ounces of milk. Then the cantankerous witch sticks her foot in it.
Day 16 – 18: Dido, dido and dido.
Day 19: Right teat has all but vanished.
Day 20: Right teat empty.
Day 21: Spirit’s legal team serves me with papers declaring her functional left teat off limits and for her babies only.
Day 22 – 23: Practice milking technique while coaxing droplets from withered right teat.
Day 24: Have mastered milking with right hand while my left hand holds the receptacle up, dodging the maniacal wenches attempts put her foot in the milk. Net bounty from flat tit approx 1.4 oz. Note: Goat still shedding.
Day 25-26: Milk rations slightly increasing. Goat and cottonwood trees now both shedding into the milk receptacle.
Day 27: Babies distract me by biting my shirt while I am milking. Spirit’s foot returns to the milk receptacle.
Day 28: Babies adamant about eating my clothes while I milk. I steal milk from their precious left teat.
Day 29: Babies try to distract me by eating my hair. I try to ignore them. Goat flinches. My foot avoider reflex overcompensates, hurling the milk directly inside my protective LASIK goggles. Startled by my French, both babies run off in opposite directions with my hair still in their mouths.
Day 30: And the beat goes on.
Day 31: Average daily yield now totals around 10 oz. Source: two milkings per day from 1.2 tits.
Remember, when the day comes, and it will, where you just walk up to your nanny and quickly squirt a little milk straight into your morning coffee then wander off sobbing, bear in mind with a little patience, all this can be yours.
The Bare Truth About My Butt Quiz
Forget about the SAT, never mind the FCAT, and remove forever from you mind any thoughts about the ACT. All these test pale in comparision to the examination that I just failed. Failing those test may have minor repurcussions like never making it into college and therefore being forced to work at fast food resturants well into you 40's. That's nothing. I just flunked a quiz that could scar me for life.
This morning I was doing my usual morning ritual of checking my email and all my affiliate programs to see if I had made any money online yesterday. I hadn't, in fact I never do, but I've found it's a great way to waste an hour or two. What usually happens is I get sidetracked by some banner or pop-up and I end up lost in the middle of cyberspace signing up for a free registration to some weird website just so I can get a free ebook with a title like 'Online Profits From Artichoke Juice!". This morning, however, I stumbled across a real winner. I came across a link that I just had to click. I was at JokesUnlimited.com reading redneck jokes when I saw 'Fun Quizzes: Can you guess which butts are male or female?
From the extreme look of excitement in your eyes I can tell that you feel the same way I felt when I saw the Butt Quiz link. My first thought was: 'Pictures of female butts! Yeeeessss! And it's a quiz so I don't have to feel dirty about it. It's educational! Yeeeesssss! I immediately clicked the link and started my quiz.
In hindsight(no pun intended), the expression 'Fools Rush In' comes to mind. I blindly rushed into this quiz in a testosterone induced urge to look at female hindparts and I forgot to think the whole thing through. I forgot to take a moment and reflect. I forgot that there were going to be male hindparts on the quiz too. Hairy male hindparts. In thongs.
Needless to say, I failed the quiz. I got 8 out of 15 right. That's about 60 percent. An 'F' in almost all 50 states. Even New Jersey. I, Tim Ward, humor columnist and straight male could not distinguish between the gluteus maximus of the male and female gender. I started to wonder: Were some of the butts that I said were female really male? If so, does that mean I find some men's butts attractive? Do I have a male butt fetsih that I didn't know about? Do I secretly enjoy slapping guys on the butt after a good sports play? And what about the woman's butts that I classified incorrectly? Has it really been that long since I've seen a bare female behind? Am I forgetting what the female body looks like?
All these questions have been running through my head since I failed my first Butt Quiz. It got to the point where I'm thinking about scheduling a retest. But this time I'll be sure to plenty of studying in advance. So ladies, if you see me taking large hard looks at your posterior region, I'm not a pervert, I'm just doing a little research. And to the fellas, forgive me if I give more that the usual amount of congratulatory butt slaps on the basketball court for awhile. I'm just trying to further my education...And maybe work through a fetish or two.
Gone Fishing For Trivia
1. We all know that fish travel in schools, but do you know some other plural fishey names?
A. Clutch
B. Shoal
C. Draft
D. Wave
E. All of the above
F. None of the above
G. B and C
G. B and C
TBD: It should have been wave though, don't you think?
2. Can you name the phobia that means a fear of fish?
A. Ichthyophobia
B. Limnophobia
C. Entomophobia
D. Pantophobia
A. Ichthyophobia
TBD: If you have a fear of lakes you suffer from limnophobia, of insects you have entomophobia, and of everything its pantophobia.
3. How do fish hear?
A. They don't
B. Through sound vibrations reverberating through the bones of their skull
C. Through their gills
D. Through their fins
B. Through sound vibrations reverberating through the bones of their skull
TBD: Fish hear without the aid of external ears. Sound vibrations reverberate through the bones of the skull to an internal ear. Fish also possess unique sensory organs called lateral lines. These canals along the sides of the fish can sense vibrations and, in some species, weak electrical fields.
4. What do you call a baby fish?
A. A guppy
B. A fry
C. A minnow
D. A baby fish
B. A fry
TBD: We guess that's where the expression "small fry" came from!
5. How do Anarctic icefish survive in freezing water?
A. Special antifreeze chemicals in their blood
B. Extra layers of fat which earned them the nickname "Puffy Fish"
C. Constant high level of motion to keep blood circulating
D. There is no such fish
A. Special antifreeze chemicals in their blood
TBD: We would have thought this was a made up answer if we hadn't researched it ourselves!
6. Just how much hot water can fish take?
A. Pot boilers in Ecuador survive in hot springs approaching 200 degrees Fahrenheit
B. Desert pupfish found in hot springs of western North America live in temperatures higher than 100 degrees Fahrenheit
C. Some fresh-water fish can take temperatures up to 80 degrees Fahrenheit without difficulty
D. Anything over 60 degrees Fahrenheit causes distress
B. Desert pupfish found in hot springs of western North America live in temperatures higher than 100 degrees Fahrenheit
TBD: We know we couldn't live in those springs without cooking!
7. How high can a flying fish fly?
A. 6 feet
B. 36 feet
C. 60 feet
D. 360 feet
B. 36 feet
TBD: Their flight may consist of several glides, in which they repeatedly return to the surface of the water long enough to renew their propelling power. They rise to a maximum of about 36 feet into the air and glide as far as 200 yards.
8. Just how fast can a fish swim?
A. Never over 40 mph
B. Barely 50 mph
C. About 60 mph
D. Over 70 mph
D. Over 70 mph
TBD: The fastest-swimming fish are the billfish and the tunas. One billfish, the sailfish, can swim in bursts of speed over 70 mph.
9. Known as one of the fastest fish, tunas are also built for long-distance endurance. How far do tuna migrate?
A. 7700 miles
B. 770 miles
C. 77 miles
D. 7 miles
A. 7700 miles
TBD: Swimming as fast as 30 mph, they migrate as far as 7700 miles in only four months.
10. What are the biggest fish?
A. Whales
B. Whale sharks
C. Great white sharks
D. Leviathans
B. Whale sharks
TBD: Whale sharks can reach 40 feet in length. Yes, whales are bigger, but they are not fish. Fish are cold-blooded and breathe underwater using gills; whales, on the other hand, maintain a warm and constant body temperature.
Diary Complaints
My wife keeps a diary, and sometimes leaves it open with the last entry in view on the coffee table. I'm a person who wouldn't want to read another person's diary, even my wife's, diaries being personal. But out of a corner of my eye, on the diary page, I saw my name. I couldn't help reading.
"I can't let John's negativity get to me," the diary read.
What do ya' mean, negative? I thought. I'm not negative. Sure, I complain a little because I'm not a rich man. I have a relative who gets paid thousands of dollars, a lower-middle-class jerk who all he does is count couches at a furniture outlet. The guy thinks Arnold Schwarzenegger is a good actor. That's how dumb he is, and he makes all this money.
I'm the only man in my family who could have taken the bad luck I've had without becoming a drug addict, or ending up in a lunatic asylum, and for this I'm called negative. I work endlessly without a vacation. I put up with a sassy kid and a wife who takes me for granted.
Me negative?
Grumbling, I moved past the diary and went outside to mow the lawn. The next day, Sunday, my wife left the house, and the diary was open again and there was a new passage.
"Why do I have to deal with such stress?" It read. "I can't stand this complaining. We've become more distanced than ever. Yet, John has such spirit and sensitivity........"
"Well, at least that last part is good," I told the diary.
"He needs to not feel the world is against him," the diary added.
The world's against me? I never said that. Remember when Cynthia (my wife's friend), that college, over-educated snob (she thinks she's better because she's a Hollywood script writer who knows the names of all the English kings). Remember when her father died in Hawaii, and I forgot, and she came back from the funeral and I innocently asked, thinking she had gone there on a vacation, "how was Hawaii?"
"Don't dare say that," Cynthia had bitterly snarled.
It was an innocent mistake. Cynthia had no right to get mad. But I took her guff. I wanted to throw her out a window, but I didn't. I just decided I'd never speak to her again.
Disgusted, I put the diary down and went and racked the dishes in the automatic dishwasher. Wiping my hands, I returned, picked up the diary, and flipped back a page.
"John doesn't listen. He interrupts and has to have the last word," it read.
"Bull!"
I took a pencil and made my own entry in the diary. I copied my wife's style of handwriting. "My husband is a handsome, muscular saint," I wrote. "I really should allow him some vices."
© Copyright 2004 by SammonSays.com
Under A Cuban Moon
Cuban authorities have implemented strict security measures at the embarkation points for the small ferries crossing Havana bay.Now, before boarding, all passengers must go through a metal detector. Newly posted signs warn passengers they can’t carry furniture or birthday cakes…
You know how it is on a stormy night when you take the ferry across Havana Bay and you smell the fear of the passengers as the waves call you to your death and the drunken ferry captain almost falls overboard three times before the rope to the harbour wall has been cast off.
The captain is drunk again, I said to my brother Ramon.
Not on his salary, Ramon said, He is dizzy with the danger.
Yes that is how it is , I said. But this danger that makes him dizzy does not affect us.
It is not that kind of danger, Ramon said.
And so we stood on the deck in the rain, all 65 of us, as the small ferry made its way across the bay.
After a few minutes, Ramon spoke again: It is the other kind of danger, like when a young chiquita comes down from the hills and sees the city for the first time. And she brings with her the smell of ripe bananas and sweet oranges so that when she walks along the street, the old men look up from their chess board and sigh: Aiy bananas, while the young men straighten their trousers and moan: Aiy Chiquita. That is how it is.
So we stood on the rain-lashed deck and prayed to God to keep a firm grip on the captain’s cojones for as long as it took. Five more minutes passed and Ramon leaned close to me and whispered : La fiesta no es para los feos. It was the signal to do what we must do and I moved through the people to get closer to the captain’s position near the front. Yes it is true I thought: this party is not for the ugly ones, but an ugly one may still start his own party. Did not Fidelissimo show us how?
When I got close to the captain, I saw it in his eyes that he still had the madness upon him. I tapped him on the shoulder and when he turned around, I pulled out the armchair from where I had hidden it in my shirt pocket and pointed it at his chest. La fiesta es perdido I said. E mas perdido. I could see from the look that came into his eyes that he had once been a good man. One of the good ones, maybe even one of the best, but tonight he stared at the armchair pointing at him and he knew that death had joined the passengers without paying a single peso. Verdad.
The captain, although he had once been one of the good ones gave a loud belch like an elephant getting up from a mud hole and the cloud of tobacco,tequila and three-bean stew caused the passengers to stumble back towards the stern of the ferry.
Que pasa? said the captain like a man waking in a gutter who feels a hand in his trouser pocket that is not his own hand. I held the armchair against his temple, and if you were not there you can never know the shiver of fear that wracked his wobbling frame. I made my voice the sound of the grave. Ramon, give me the thing, I called and he was at my side like the wind. In his hands he carried the thing that had kept us alive for the last five years. The thing that we had traded our mule, two machetes and a hundred bananas for. The thing we had to have, in the way that an old and rich man looks at a young chica in her Sunday dress and becomes an old fool for the rest of his life. Such was the nature of this thing that we had treasured.
With infinite care, Ramon peeled back the corners of the oil cloth that wrapped it, and when the light of the moon caught the shine of it, even the captain drew a quick breath.
While I held the armchair steady on the captain, Ramon leaned over and placed the thing that we had brought on the shelf in front of the steering wheel.
I stepped back and held the armchair at my side: Mi Capitan, I said in a firm voice while the other passengers crowded round,..You will take us to this thing you see before you. You will not stop until you reach it. And when we are there, we will sit around a table, you and I, and drink the best rum with real cocacola and speak of the past and the future, as men do who have looked at their feet for a long time but now choose to look at the stars.
The captain looked at me for a long time.
I knew you were the one, he said, you have a light that shines above your head, and also… he gave a small smile like a man who will not give his cards away…you have a big armchair… Then he turned to the steering wheel and took it in both his sun-darkened hands and pushed the throttle to maximum power while the rest of us stood carefully and watched the thing on the shelf ahead of him that would guide all of us to a different day. It was small but Madre Mio it shone like an angel to guide our way. One of the passengers said it was named El Statudo de Liberdad…
© Bill Dollar 2005
Halloween Howler
1. What rock star worked as a gravedigger before starting his musical career?
A. Roy Orbison
B. Billy Joel
C. Mick Jaggar
D. Rod Stewart
1. What famous rock star worked as a gravedigger before starting his musical career?
D. Rod Stewart
TBD: That wasn't The QuizQueen's guess either, but that's what the research says!
2. Which tradition was NOT a precursor to Halloween?
A. The Celtic tradition of giving thanks at the close of the harvest season?
B. The European tradition of lighting candles and masquerading in costume to scare evil spirits away.
C. The celebration of the birth of Marilyn Manson.
D. The Irish custom where wealthy landowners would give food to the poor in hopes that the ghosts would look favorably on them and spare them from mischief.
2. Which tradition was NOT a precursor to Halloween?
C. The celebration of the birth of Marilyn Manson.
TBD: Gosh The QuizQueen sure hopes you got that right. Although who knows what historians in the next Millenium will conclude after studying the effluvium we leave behind.
3. Which phobia is the fear of Halloween?
A. Caspariophobia
B. Samhainophobia
C. Demonophobia
D. Boophobia
3. Which phobia is the fear of Halloween?
B. Samhainophobia
TBD: Personally, The QuizQueen has always been more frightened of Caspar than Celts, but you can't quibble with the facts.
4. Where does the name "Halloween" come from?
A. In Scotland, the Celtic Feast of the Sun, which marked the end of summer was known as "Hallowe'en."
B. In Ireland, the Celtic Feast of the Sun, which marked the end of summer was known as "Hollow Eve."
C. The Druids held a ritual on that night honoring the leader of their sect. His name was Hal Ween.
D. The Roman ceremony of burying a hollow casket to trap evil spirits beneath the ground.
4. Where does the name "Halloween" come from?
A. In Scotland, the Celtic Feast of the Sun, which marked the end of summer was known as "Hallowe'en."
TBD: The QuizQueen really hopes you didn't answer "C" here.
5. What is the purpose of a witch's familiar?
A. Hey, everybody has to have a friend, even Broomhilda.
B. The stooge she sends out to lure innocent victims to her lair.
C. An animal, such as a black cat, that amplifies her power.
D. Every witch is required to have a black cat, according to coven code, so it has become tradition to see the "familiar" black cat at a witch's side.
5. What is the purpose of a witch's familiar?
C. An animal, such as a black cat, that amplifies her power.
TBD: While "A" might be true, this is the real answer.
6. Lycanthropy is a term derived from Greek. What does it mean?
A. A psychiatric state in which the patient believes he or she is a wolf.
B. A person with a deadly fear of wearing Lycra (which is used in the making of some Halloween costumes).
C. A devotee of Lycos, the ancient Roman god whose feast was originally held on Halloween.
D. An inductee of the cult of Zeus which held a yearly gathering on Mt. Lycaeus.
6. Lycanthropy is a term derived from Greek. What does it mean?
A. A psychiatric state in which the patient believes he or she is a wolf.
TBD: The QuizQueen has always wondered what they call someone with a deadly fear of Lycra…
7. How did the "jack-o-lantern" get that name?
A. An old man named Jack who was too mean even to get into hell. The Devil gave him a piece of burning coal and sent him away. Jack used a turnip to hold the burning coal and serve as a lantern.
B. The Devil's favorite dish is pumpkin pie and a clever man named Jack carved all the pumpkins in town into lanterns to drive the Devil away with a blaze of bright light and of course deprive him of his treat.
C. In ancient times, when children went trick-or-treating, they were guided by a man who carried a lantern. The guide was called a "Jack."
D. The man who first cultivated the potato and carved it into a lantern was named Jack.
7. How did the "jack-o-lantern" get that name?
A. A mean old man named Jack who was too mean even to get into hell. The Devil gave him a piece of burning coal and sent him away. Jack used a turnip to hold the burning coal and serve as a lantern.
TBD: You should deduct points if you guessed any of The QuizQueen's creative answers!
8. Can you pick out Halloween's former name?
A. All Hallow's Eve
B. All Hallow's Day
C. All Hallowmass
D. All Soul's Day
8. Can you pick out Halloween's former name?
A. All Hallow's Eve
TBD: The important thing to remember is that it was the NIGHT before!
9. The word warlock is a derivation of the Saxon-English term "war-loek" which means what?
A. Man with the magic hands
B. Oath breaker
C. Witch's husband
D. Doomed one
9. The word warlock is a derivation of the saxon-english term "war-loek" which means what?
B. Oath breaker.
TBD: Did you sing along with "A"?
10. The Celtics would carry a lantern when they walked on the eve of October 31st. These first "jack-o-lanterns" were carved with faces to scare evil spirits away. What vegetable was originally used to make a "jack-o-lantern?"
A. Turnip
B. Potato
C. Pumpkin
D. Watermelon
10. The Celtics would carry a lantern when they walked on the eve of October 31st. These first "jack-o-lanterns" were carved with faces to scare evil spirits away. What vegetable was originally used to make a "jack-o-lantern?"
A. Turnip
TBD: Sometimes you don't even need to set up the joke.